Let's hear it for us:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be Prime Minister.
You have an internal sense of direction.
You can wear a white T-shirt to the pool.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too yucky".
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Body hair is an asset.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your buddies can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
You have a penis.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You know how to read a map.
You never have to buy sleepwear.
If there are five guys and one toilet, you dont have to wait in line to pee.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
Gray hair makes you look distinguished.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
When its just the guys, clothing is optional.
You understand fishing.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You have countless opportunities to be a hero.
You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You can write your name in the snow, standing still.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
Being alone is no sweat.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
Vacations are cheap: a cabin in the wilderness.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
You dont have to study how to achieve an orgasm.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can go shirtless in public.
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You can grow a beard or mustache if you want.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Damn, It's Great to Be a Man!