How To Shower Like A Woman
1. Take off clothing and place in laundry hamper compartments according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way,cover up exposed flesh.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain about how fat you're getting.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey vitamin shampoo.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey vitamin shampoo.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
9. Wash rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it all
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you feel a pulse of hot water and momentarily lose water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for any signs of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed skin and rush to bedroom to spend an hour getting dressed.
How To Shower Like A Man
1. Take off clothes and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Scratch your testicles.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Laugh at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
8. Wash your privates and your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
9. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
10. Make a shampoo mohawk.
11. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
12. Pee (in the shower)
13. Rinse off and get out of the shower.Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain out of the tub the entire time.
14. Partially dry off.
15. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
16. Leave bathroom and fan light on.
17. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your crotch, and go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
18. Throw wet towel on the bed.